How to be a Good Guest and an Amazing Host this Holiday Season
Welcome to fall and the beginning of a constant stream of visitors, or perhaps your own departure to the sofas and guest rooms of others. Whether your guests are staying for dinner or for several nights (I hope for your sake, not more than a week!) now is the time to, yes….get organized.
Being a Guest
Visits always give pleasure--if not the arrival, the departure.
― Portuguese Proverb
It might be easiest to start with the part that you can actually control; going to stay with other people. When invited to be a guest this holiday season, one of the very first things to establish is the timing and length of your stay. No one can plan to be a good host if you don’t tell them when you arrive and depart. This is crucial information for having clean linens on the right bed and possibly scheduling who sleeps in it after you.
The real crux of the information I am about to deliver is this: communication.
Assumptions are the chief culprit in any disastrous house guest experience, whether you are the guest or host. These are the moments when you realize that not everyone shares your fondness for orange juice at dawn, naps after lunch, and showers before dinner. Or your irritation at the prospect of those same exact things.
When planning a visit to someone’s home part of the process should be an open discussion of your actual plans and expectations for the time you spend with them. What is the nature of this visit? Even close friends of many years may be surprised to discover that you fully intend to sit on their sofa for 4 days talking….and that you’ll resist any notion of seeing the sights. The opposite is equally true! Your drive to see everything, stopping only to eat and sleep, may not be their idea of a good time. Some middle ground can only be found if you talk about it.
If you hope to partake of the local color, be specific about what you want to see, then your hosts can give you practical information about doing so. And if you just have a vague idea about some places you read about , tell them that. This provides an opportunity for the real art of entertaining, spontaneously pulling activities together on the fly.
The other side of this equation is listening. As a guest I highly recommend arriving with a willingness to be open to the unexpected suggestion. Your friends or contacts probably know a lot more than you about the place they live. Part of planning and talking is drawing out the things they actually want to show off.
When you stay in someone’s home be prepared to ask questions. When unsure, ask for help. You’d probably rather be asked for an aspirin, than have a poor suffering guest turn the bathroom upside down looking for one, while discovering your stash of personal medical products of the slightly embarrassing kind.
No matter how well you know your hosts, face the issue of money squarely, at least in your own mind. Pretending not to know how you should handle the sharing of costs can get awkward fast. You are being given room and probably food as part of your stay, so be conscious of using things up. Any costs incurred along the way should be shared, unless you make a clear statement that it’s your treat. One traveling blog mentioned that the authors’ favorite guests took him grocery shopping after 3 or 4 days, and made sure to include a treat for the household. These were guests that would be invited back.
One last tip - it’s nice gesture to bring a hostess gift, or some small gifts for the children of the host. I love to bring something from Seattle, my hometown. For example, the new stoneware collection of candles from Big Dipper Wax Works are amazing and locally made. Even thought they are famous for their Chocolate Caramels, I love Fran's assorted truffle box with a beautiful seasonal ribbon. For a longer stay you might want to invest in a hand blown Glassybaby candle holder (or three)! Click here for more Washington made gift ideas.
Welcoming Houseguests
People who leave their drugs in a bathroom the guests use are just asking for trouble.
― Stephen King
Bing a host is an art and a skill, one that some people do naturally and others struggle to master. If you are in the second category take heart. Most issues can be dealt with by… you guessed it! Preparation and asking questions! Also, it’s a great time to tidy up the entire house to get ready for the holidays.
Thinking ahead and organizing is the key to serenity if you are an anxious host. The whole situation is full of unknowns and requires your willingness to be outside of normal circumstances. Try to consider the shape of the visit ahead. How do you want it to feel for your guests? Relaxed or exciting, personal or more formal? Do you intend to invite them into the intimate family chaos or are you trying to set aside your life for a week in order to entertain? Be sure to inquire about habits, routines and dietary restrictions.
Some tips for preparing physical accommodations:
no guest room? that’s okay! Just be sure you warn them in advance they they won’t have a separate room. If you’re considering moving out of your room to let them sleep there, just make sure they don’t feel like they are imposing.
extra blanket and pillows handy, along with a good reading light on each side of the bed.
a box of tissues and wastebasket near the bed
access to a closet and hangers, maybe a luggage rack would be practical also
set out fresh linens in the bathroom or fold them nicely on the bed so they know those are for them, perhaps even a fresh bar of soap
glasses for drinking and storing toothbrushes
a vase of fresh flowers is an extra nice touch
Be sure to have some resources in case guests want you to play tour guide. Think of places that are within walking distance if they want to venture out. Perhaps a great coffee place like Cafe Allegro, cozy local bar like the Market’s White Horse Tavern, or park to catch the sunset - Golden Gardens is a Seattle favorite.
The bottom lie for both guest and host is to be gracious. You are planting seeds for connections that may last years if not decades. And have a wonderful time on your adventures, both at home and away.
